Indescribable Heartache

I don't know that there has been one experience in my life that has been as heart wrenching or as difficult as what David and I have experienced this past week. It is obvious to most that we made the best decision for our family by letting Brayton go, but the weight of that decision is so heavy it almost seems unbearable. I am reminded of how many chances our Heavenly Father willingly gives us and I am left asking myself, "Did we give up too soon?" To most including my family it's easy to see how threatening his unpredictable behaviors could be to not only David, Nicole and myself, but also to this innocent baby that is about to be born in just a couple of months, it seems as if we would have come to this conclusion sooner or later. But when a child enters your home biological or not, it changes your whole life you begin to live for that child, you dream dreams for that child, you see the good when others can only see the bad. Today I see an 11 year old boy who has been so deeply wounded by the circumstances in his life that the one thing that he desires to have in his life more than anything else (family) is the one thing he is unable to obtain and that saddens me more than anything. As of right now David and I have committed to visiting Brayton in his new placement on a regular basis and to even sit in on his counseling sessions. I would ask you all to continue to pray as we seek direction in this situation, we pray that God would close doors if need be, or give us the strength to walk through them if asked too. I pray every night that Jesus would sleep with and next to him, as bed time was an ongoing struggle in our home. I pray that Brayton would not only feel loved but be able to accept love even though the hurt he has encountered in life gives him no reason to trust the love from anyone. And most of all I pray that he would be able to be molded in to a new creation.

Our Weekend

Nicole looking sweet and innocent.

With Brayton moving in and the baby arriving in less than 100 days we went ahead and moved Nicole in to what use to be me and David's room. This will be her and Kathryn's room. All of the black you see is chalkboard paint, we will also have hot pink paint that is magnetic, pretty cool if I do say so myself. The polka dot and diamond fabric on the desk is what I am going to attempt to make headboards, curtains and pillows out of for their room. I needed to contribute in some way since I was unable to help with all of the painting.

Below is a picture of Brayton's bedroom. We found out about Brayton on a Wednesday March 5, 2008 and had his room painted and put together by that Thursday, after it was all said and done we found out he wasn't going to arrive until Monday March 10, 2008. At least it was all done. If we would have had the chance to meet Brayton prior to doing his room, we probably would have went with an Army theme as he is in full uniform everyday and has recruited half of the neighborhood to be under his command and watch. Maybe we can incorporate some blue camo sometime soon.

Army Man!

Brayton is so excited to meet CSM Larry Johnson.

David, Brayton and Garrett (the neighbor boy)

David's mom came in to town this weekend, this was the first time she has been able to meet Nicole and Brayton since they have been in our home. I think that I am pretty safe in saying she enjoyed her time with the kids, especially her 4 almost 5 mile walk with Brayton, our two dogs and every other stray dog in the neighborhood!

Brayton's face says he probably just got told he couldn't do something....what do you think?

Another New Addition!

On Monday March 10, 2008 we welcomed another child in to our home. I am excited to introduce you all to Brayton Smith. He is 11 years old and is in the fourth grade. Having a young boy in the home for just two days has already brought about many new experiences. One example is on Monday night instead of me being able to watch the premiere of The Batchelor, I tried to enjoy watching wrestling!! Brayton loves to play outside and is excited about starting baseball in April. He loves to build, fish and run around with our dogs. He was not excited about starting school but he seemed to have a pretty good first day. Let's hope those good days continue!

As you can imagine all of these changes are both very exciting and nerve racking as we are getting ready to welcome our very own little one in just a few months. We do feel that God has called us to love the unloved and welcome these children without father's and or mother's in to our home, so we just pray for smooth transitions and for God's blessing on both their lives and ours as we continue on this journey!

I know you have been wondering where we have been...

Okay, I admit it we really have been slackers with the whole blog thing, but you must understand that David and I have very little computer time now that a teenager is in our home :) Between Myspace, ITunes and Instant Messenger, David and I are lucky if we get to check our email once a day. I will do my best to bring you all up to speed with words, and then David will have to post some pictures for you all to see.

I guess we could start with Pregnancy...Not much has changed, I am still not a fan of being pregnant, I am well in to my 5th month and yep still getting sick. It has eased some which is nice, but none the less vomiting, heartburn, headaches, backaches and the stuffiest nose you could ever have are definitely not on my list of fun things to experience for 5 consecutive months.

I am starting to grow as you can imagine, David seems to think my stomach changes every day, I don't seem to notice it as much as he does. Although I have only gained 5 pounds in 5 months I do still notice every new stretch mark that appears and I am not liking it at all. So far that cocoa butter lotion has not made much of a difference. David has been taking weekly pictures of me to document the change.

Week 20

Week 21

Week 22

We did have our first full sonogram on 2/8/2008. To most this would be when you would find out if it was a boy or a girl, but I really want the surprise of finding out the day he or she is born. There are a lot of speculations, my family really thinks that it is a boy but David and his mom are still holding on to the thought that it is a little girl. I really have no feelings or inklings either way. We did find out that our baby weighed around 14 oz. and that our due date is still June 22, 2008. The sonogram pictures were not as clear as I was hoping, but I can see the head and some little hands up by it's face in one of them, which has become my favorite picture.
I am starting to feel that little one inside of me which has been fun, kind of weird at first but now if I don't feel anything for awhile I am begging for him or her to move. The Doctor said just a few more weeks and I will be feeling the baby all of the time. David has not been able to feel him or her from the outside yet which he is so anxiously awaiting.

Week 23

I have been bummed that I haven't been able to work on the babys room as much as I would have liked but my husband is doing a great job. He has been painting away, hanging curtains and putting the baby's crib together. Now all we need is some pictures, a rocking chair and a dresser or chest of some sort and the room will be ready and waiting for that little one to arrive. Well this is a rather long post so I am going to close for now, but there are a few more things we could update you on and we will soon, I promise!

Our Christmas!

Well this Christmas for me at least was anything but typical. Umm let's see, for one: I'm pregnant, two: my husband spent most of Christmas break in California with his family and three: David and I became the foster parents of a 14 and 15 year old.

We found out that we were finally going to be foster parents in early December but it wasn't until December 17th that Nicole moved in to our home. Nicole's 15 year old sister Kathryn got to spend Christmas day with us and we are hoping that Kathryn will be spending more and more time with us until she can move in with us as well. We are hoping that will take place sometime this summer. All of our family members have been so helpful during this transition and we feel like Nicole is adjusting really well. Nicole and Kathryn are such beautiful girls, and they are so much fun to be around and have in our home.

On Christmas morning we drove up to Ladoga, IN to pick up Kathryn okay David and Nicole got on the road around 6AM! while I stayed home and started the Christmas music and got all of the last minute gifts out and ready. David, Kathryn and Nicole arrived back around 9:30 or so and David and I enjoyed watching the girls open their gifts. After the girls got all dolled up we went over to my parents house for Christmas breakfast and we all opened a few more gifts before heading off to Indianapolis to drop David off at the airport. The girls and I then went to see P.S. I Love You at the Metropolis in Plainfield. It was decorated so beautiful, and I got some great pictures of the girls. after watching the saddest movie in the world that I cried through while the girls laughed through it, we were back on the road to drop Kathryn off for the night! Busy Busy... I tell you.

As for Pregnency I am 17 weeks now and still getting sick! At least it hasn't been everyday like before, so I will take that but it would be awesome if it would go away all together.... soon! Our next appt. is on Jan. 11th. I am not sure what they will be doing, but we are still not finding out what we are having so we won't have any news for you all!! I am starting to show a little and I hope to be able to start feeling the baby soon.

Well Hopefully this updates you all a little as to what has been going on in our family. We would love to still have your prayers as this is still all very new to all of us, and Nicole just started a new school this week. We pray that she will find a good group of friends that will be encouraging and supportive of her situation.

Here are a few pictures or our newest family members and Sota Bear! (Poor Daisy Mae (our other dog) is always left out)

Nicole and Kathryn

Kathryn and Nicole at the Metropolis!

Sota Bear Davis! Look at that cute hat Nicole made for her, it even has ear holes!